If you’ve ever found yourself in the depths of despair, halfway into a 170km ride with wind lashing at your face and legs ablaze – you’ll be keenly aware that things could get much worse. That grinding, burning pain as your saddle begins to grasp at the inner thigh. A pain which you know will only diminish when you’re no longer astride your bike.
The imaginatively named Chamois Butt’r (see what they did there?) reckon they have your back (side), though. They’ve formulated a buttload of chamois creams to choose from – including *checks notes*; Euro Style, Original Anti-Chafe, Her Anti-Chafe, and finally Coconut Anti-Chafe.
But how do they intend to save your arse, and what’s different about them? The original style promises a non-greasy, residue free cream applicable straight to one’s sensitive areas, or a chamois itself. A classic choose-your-own-adventure for the chafing averse. Like all their products, it’s paraben, phthalate and gluten free. Yum!
Her Anti-Chafe has been formulated for women by female sports medicine doctor, and according to the rear of the tube it’s packed with lavender oil, shea butter, aloe vera, green tea leaf and tea tree oils for a delectably pungent cream. It’s just fine to use for men, too!
Eurostyle is made from the dense Crème Pâtissière found in delicious French baked goods. While this is absolutely not true, it does look like it would be right at home squeezed into a beignet. It’s also right at home lathered on your jacksy if you’re planning a long day in the saddle, and is best applied with a wildly gesticulating hand. They’ve turned the European factor up to eleven with this one too, lacing their beurre with witch hazel and menthol designed to soothe thy posterior. Manifique!
Last butt not least, there’s Coconut Anti-Chafe – and you might be shocked to hear how this one differs from the rest. Coconut oil! That’s the surprise ingredient along with shea butter and is expertly formulated to make your groin smell like it took a flash vacation to a far-flung island.
We’re seldom emotional about emollients at Flow, but these salves may save your life. Or at the very least your ability to stride confidently into a post-ride cafe free of John Wayne parallels.
