Gone are the days of getting phone calls from unknown numbers to find out if that pristine Yeti ACR you’re selling is still available, or endless emails asking if you’re willing to knock 50-dollarbucks off that dropper post you’re trying to get out of the parts bin because they saw the same model, but in a shorter length, for cheaper on BikeInn.com.
Now, all that joy is lumped in your newsfeed above pictures of your best friend’s new baby and below posts “only asking questions” from your uncle — the one who doesn’t get invited to Christmas anymore — about the latest non-existent culture war they’re yelling about on a pay TV station you’ve never heard of.
Related:
Yes we’re talking about Facebook Marketplace. Don’t get us wrong, if you’re trying to move on an old bike or pick something up on the second-hand market, there is no more efficient way to do business for the savvy mountain biker.
Through the pandemic, Marketplace was a valuable lifeline for what bike shops weren’t able to get because the Ever Given was blocking the Suez Canal. Jerry from Cairns had that seal kit you needed to service your fork, and was willing to part with it for $10 less than retail‚ what a guy!
Managed to dig out good part of the bulbous thingy. It’s still stuck. #Evergiven #SuezCanal #Suez pic.twitter.com/zbeD59LA6V
— Guy With The Digger At Suez Canal (@SuezDiggerGuy) March 25, 2021
It also brought out the mongrels trying to make a quick buck selling clapped-out chains and tyres that were more plug than tread. We even came across a fellow hocking bike boxes — not the reusable enviro-boxes or the hardshell trumpet cases. No, he was selling the cardboard cartons that any bike shop will happily send you out the door with three of, at no charge, so they don’t have to make them fit into the recycling bin out back.
Marketplace is…well…a market place and everyone is welcome to participate. Among that smorgasbord of individuals, there are a few distinct types of people you will run into every time you fire up the old Facespace.
I know what I have guy
Confidence and being a subject matter expert are key when it comes to selling things online. You wouldn’t ask full retail for a clapped out 10-speed XTR groupset because it’s been superseded by a full two cogs now. At the same time you wouldn’t list a new-in-box Shimano XTR Yumeya upgrade kit for $50 AUD — that would be silly
The key is finding a happy medium between confidence, knowing the gear and the market to price your items appropriately. Enter Mr I-Know-What-I-Have.
This chap has a mint condition 2017 Specialized Enduro Comp 27.5, you know when the frame still had the legendary X-Wing layout — the best generation of the Enduro, obviously. Why would you need an extra 10mm of rear travel, in frame storage and two more gears at the back. This is a real mountain biker’s mountain bike, not one for all these shined and buffed, smooth and wide garden paths councils are trying to pass off as blue flow trails. This is a bike that harkens back to the good old days — well before this bike was made — when you had to bushwack for two hours to ride a rutted old moto trail, and definitely get lost at least four times trying to find that glorious 20-second descent.
And the asking price? A cheeky $7,999.99 AUD. Don’t bother trying to bargain with this fellow. He knows what he has, and like a fine bottle of Lark singlemalt, it’s only gotten better with age.
Don’t mind the scuffs in the paint, or fork stanchions missing a significant patch of anodizing, he’s just had it serviced by his mate Jeff, who used to work at the local Specialized shop — best one in town! Don’t bother bringing up that a brand new Enduro Comp is only $200 AUD more at full retail, this is the deal of the century. In fact, Mr I-Know-What-I-Have is doing you a favour letting go of this unicorn fart encrusted bar of gold at this price, rest assured he’s already had plenty of offers for more.
Buy now or you’ll regret it forever.
The Lowballer
In the wild, The Lowballer and Mr I-Know-What-I-Have are mortal enemies. Like Lions and Hyenas on the African Serengeti, these two apex predators (or at least that’s how they see themselves) are constantly doing battle in the comments.
When not engaged in a scrap with I-Know-What-I-Have guy, The Lowballer is in your DMs trying to get themselves a deal. You know they can get what you’re selling from some overseas shop that lists everything except for the price and ‘BUY NOW’ in Cyrillic characters.
They also saw somebody else selling the same thing on Marketplace for way cheaper than you’re asking, so know the market, bro.
If you’re actually serious about selling this thing you no longer want, you’ll need to knock a zero off the end of the price, and they’ll come pick it up this afternoon.
The Ghost
So you’ve found what you’re looking for, and managed to dodge the unsavoury characters, folks downplaying how broken their ‘presents as new’ wheelset is, and the profiles started last week selling e-MTBs at a great price, but with no charger.
As you message this person, you come to a deal that works for everyone and they’re even going to cover postage — what a rad individual.
“Great, send me your details and I get you paid this afternoon,” you type with glee, already envisioning where you’re going to ride this weekend to try out those new wheels.
Your message changes to read, those three little dots appear for a moment along with that clickety-clack noise that gets your heart racing. And then it goes quiet.
Maybe they’re busy at work, or a sick kiddo is taking up all their bandwidth and they simply don’t have time to finish up the sale for a few days. Life happens, right?
You play it cool and wait three days to send them a message — that’s the rule right, wait three days so you don’t seem desperate? You send that expertly worded follow-up and see it change from delivered to read, and your heart flutters. You can already hear the buzz from those high-engagement hubs you were holding out for — they’re nearly yours! And then, crickets.
Cheaper than retail guy
Another day, another sale, come on down to Totally Not Dodgy Mountain Bike Parts Inc.
We have gold and rainbow cassettes, we have chains, we have that out of stock groupset you’ve been lusting after. It’s all brand new, and you’re in luck because your new best mate on Marketplace is selling it all for ¾ of the sale price at Pushys, MTB Direct and the shop down the road.
How can these prices be ? No, they didn’t fall off the back of a truck, this is brand new, genuine brand name gear here — look, another new deal on an AXS derailleur. How does he have a constant stream of these shiny new parts that need to be moved on at such good prices? Well that’s for him to know, and for you not to care about because you should be looking at this latest post for an oil slick XX1 cassette for less than wholesale.
Mr Reading Comprehension
It’s time to move on your pride and joy. You’ve written up a hilarious yet sentimental post about all the great times you’ve had with ol’ Bob the Bike. Remember when you overshot that jump on Air Ya Garn? Or when he carried you through a berm at Buller with such speed, your rear tyre (pumped up to 25 psi, no Pressure Police infringements here) schralped so hard you thought the lift towers were going to fall over. Ahh, memories.
Before you hit publish, you double-check that the spec list is accurate and reiterate that it will come with the stock wheels and an air shock instead of the coil in the photos. Whoops, forgot to add in that it’s pickup only and that you’re firm on the price. Okay, ready to post.
Ping! Wow, it’s only been 30 seconds, and someone has already commented.
“What size,” asks Mr Reading Comprehension.
You get hot in the face, how embarrassing after all that, you forgot such an important detail. Better update the post and respond. Wait, hang on. The size is listed at the top of the spec list and there’s even a photo of the little ‘M’ sticker on the seat tube. You politely reply, noting that it’s a size medium — which is listed in the post.
Ping! This time Mr Reading Comprehension has sent you a DM. He’s asked if you’re willing to drop the price $100 to swap in the stock wheels and if you still have the air shock the bike comes with because it’s hard to find them with that eye-to-eye length nowadays.
Testing your patience, you point him back to the post once again — it’s all there big shooter. Read. The. Post.
“Okay cool, yep I see that now,” he says. “Happy go ahead at the price you listed. How much for shipping?”
Illustrations courtesy of the very talented Zoe Cuthbert /@flyingraccoononabike